Jelly

We are begging. Truly. Take Jelly of our hands. We cannot keep living like this.<br/><br/>Jelly is 5 years old, 67 lbs, and has made it his full-time job for four whole years to be involved in absolutely everything we do. Privacy? Gone. Personal space? A myth. If you move, Jelly moves. If you sit, he sits closer. If you go to the bathroom... he was actually hoping you would.<br/><br/>And the licking. Oh... the licking. <br/>Lotion? Gone.<br/>Deodorant? Sampled.<br/>Just showered? Not anymore.<br/>If you have applied anything to your skin, Jelly considers it a personal invitation to taste test it for quality control. He is committed to hygiene... specifically removing all evidence of it from your body.<br/><br/>He is also incredibly nosey. Opening a drawer? He must investigate. Folding laundry? He will supervise. Existing quietly? Suspicious behavior — he’s on it. Honestly, it’s exhausting being this loved.<br/><br/>To make matters worse, he’s actually wonderful. He knows cues like sit, down, and touch. He’s smart, playful, and weirdly proud of his army crawl. He plays beautifully with other dogs, is full of joy, and once he decides you’re his person, you are his entire world.<br/><br/>Cats are beneath his interests. Tiny humans may be overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of his devotion. But if you want a loyal companion who will never ignore you, never forget you exist, and never — not even once — allow you to feel lonely...<br/>Please. Take Jelly.<br/><br/>We love him deeply. Desperately. Endlessly. But we need him gone.

We are begging. Truly. Take Jelly of our hands. We cannot keep living like this.

Jelly is 5 years old, 67 lbs, and has made it his full-time job for four whole years to be involved in absolutely everything we do. Privacy? Gone. Personal space? A myth. If you move, Jelly moves. If you sit, he sits closer. If you go to the bathroom... he was actually hoping you would.

And the licking. Oh... the licking.
Lotion? Gone.
Deodorant? Sampled.
Just showered? Not anymore.
If you have applied anything to your skin, Jelly considers it a personal invitation to taste test it for quality control. He is committed to hygiene... specifically removing all evidence of it from your body.

He is also incredibly nosey. Opening a drawer? He must investigate. Folding laundry? He will supervise. Existing quietly? Suspicious behavior — he’s on it. Honestly, it’s exhausting being this loved.

To make matters worse, he’s actually wonderful. He knows cues like sit, down, and touch. He’s smart, playful, a

We are begging. Truly. Take Jelly of our hands. We cannot keep living like this.

Jelly is 5 years old, 67 lbs, and has made it his full-time job for four whole years to be involved in absolutely everything we do. Privacy? Gone. Personal space? A myth. If you move, Jelly moves. If you sit, he sits closer. If you go to the bathroom... he was actually hoping you would.

And the licking. Oh... the licking.
Lotion? Gone.
Deodorant? Sampled.
Just showered? Not anymore.
If you have applied anything to your skin, Jelly considers it a personal invitation to taste test it for quality control. He is committed to hygiene... specifically removing all evidence of it from your body.

He is also incredibly nosey. Opening a drawer? He must investigate. Folding laundry? He will supervise. Existing quietly? Suspicious behavior — he’s on it. Honestly, it’s exhausting being this loved.

To make matters worse, he’s actually wonderful. He knows cues like sit, down, and touch. He’s smart, playful, and weirdly proud of his army crawl. He plays beautifully with other dogs, is full of joy, and once he decides you’re his person, you are his entire world.

Cats are beneath his interests. Tiny humans may be overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of his devotion. But if you want a loyal companion who will never ignore you, never forget you exist, and never — not even once — allow you to feel lo