Felice

FELICE – Mexi Mix / 11 Years / 20kg / F-Spayed<br/><br/>FRIENDS, COUNTRYMEN, DOG ENTHUSIASTS — lend me your ears, because have I got a DEAL for you. Are you tired of a peaceful home? Do you lie awake at night wishing someone would breathe directly into your mouth at 3am? Have you always felt your throw pillows had simply too much stuffing? Then folks — you need this dog.<br/><br/>PERFORMANCE SPECS — This magnificent animal boasts zero-to-forty in thirty-seven minutes — a feat of staggering mediocrity that culminates in exactly three seconds of glory before a full system shutdown occurs on your good couch. She will chase the squirrel. She will not catch the squirrel. She will return to you looking as though you are the one who failed her.<br/><br/>SOCIAL FEATURES — Guests will be warmly greeted with a full-body assault of affection lasting approximately ninety seconds, after which she will stare at them from across the room with the quiet menace of a Victorian portrait. Their discomfort will grow. They will leave early. This is by design. She is equally suspicious of: the mail carrier, thunder, and the idea of thunder.<br/><br/>SECURITY PACKAGE — Does another dog approach off-leash? Activate feral raccoon mode. This 45 pound animal will summon the spiritual fury of something that was wronged in a past life — a noise will emerge that scientists have not yet classified. The other dog’s owner will apologize. You will also apologize. Nobody will make eye contact.<br/><br/>WHAT YOU GET<br/>One (1) dog, pre-loaded with opinions<br/>A sigh so heavy it has its own barometric pressure<br/>Unconditional love, conditionally applied<br/>The sneaking suspicion she is smarter than you<br/>Confirmation of that suspicion<br/><br/>TESTIMONIALS<br/>“She destroyed a shoe I wasn’t even wearing yet.” — Todd, broken<br/>“I said ‘no dogs on the bed’ in June. It’s now November and I am sleeping on the floor.” — Carol, at peace with this<br/>“She watched me cry and then sighed and walked away. It helped, somehow.” — Dave, 4 stars<br/><br/>ACT NOW — This offer will not last, because frankly, she is very cute and someone else will take her. And then you’ll spend the next six months thinking about her weird little face while that other family gets to experience the 3am mouth-breathing. Don’t let that be your story.<br/><br/>Available now. Cash, card, or complete emotional surrender accepted. Go to http://www.dibsrescue.com to apply — if you don’t, you’ll wish you did.

FELICE – Mexi Mix / 11 Years / 20kg / F-Spayed

FRIENDS, COUNTRYMEN, DOG ENTHUSIASTS — lend me your ears, because have I got a DEAL for you. Are you tired of a peaceful home? Do you lie awake at night wishing someone would breathe directly into your mouth at 3am? Have you always felt your throw pillows had simply too much stuffing? Then folks — you need this dog.

PERFORMANCE SPECS — This magnificent animal boasts zero-to-forty in thirty-seven minutes — a feat of staggering mediocrity that culminates in exactly three seconds of glory before a full system shutdown occurs on your good couch. She will chase the squirrel. She will not catch the squirrel. She will return to you looking as though you are the one who failed her.

SOCIAL FEATURES — Guests will be warmly greeted with a full-body assault of affection lasting approximately ninety seconds, after which she will stare at them from across the room with the quiet menace of a Victorian portrait. Their discomfort will grow. They will leave early. This

FELICE – Mexi Mix / 11 Years / 20kg / F-Spayed

FRIENDS, COUNTRYMEN, DOG ENTHUSIASTS — lend me your ears, because have I got a DEAL for you. Are you tired of a peaceful home? Do you lie awake at night wishing someone would breathe directly into your mouth at 3am? Have you always felt your throw pillows had simply too much stuffing? Then folks — you need this dog.

PERFORMANCE SPECS — This magnificent animal boasts zero-to-forty in thirty-seven minutes — a feat of staggering mediocrity that culminates in exactly three seconds of glory before a full system shutdown occurs on your good couch. She will chase the squirrel. She will not catch the squirrel. She will return to you looking as though you are the one who failed her.

SOCIAL FEATURES — Guests will be warmly greeted with a full-body assault of affection lasting approximately ninety seconds, after which she will stare at them from across the room with the quiet menace of a Victorian portrait. Their discomfort will grow. They will leave early. This is by design. She is equally suspicious of: the mail carrier, thunder, and the idea of thunder.

SECURITY PACKAGE — Does another dog approach off-leash? Activate feral raccoon mode. This 45 pound animal will summon the spiritual fury of something that was wronged in a past life — a noise will emerge that scientists have not yet classified. The other dog’s owner will apologize. You will als