Maid Marian (BIG MOMMA)

Meet Maid Marian.<br/><br/>We have received several questions.<br/><br/>> "Do i hear a pig?"<br/><br/>No.<br/><br/>> "Are you sure?"<br/><br/>...Yes.<br/><br/>> "Can you check again?"<br/><br/>We have. Repeatedly.<br/><br/>It's a dog.<br/><br/>Maid Marian weighs 90 pounds.<br/><br/>This wasn't our first guess either.<br/><br/>We weighed her twice because we assumed the scale was being dramatic.<br/><br/>It wasn't.<br/><br/>She is currently on a diet.<br/><br/>She feels this is an unnecessary overreaction.<br/><br/>Every morning she looks into her empty food bowl like she's the subject of a true crime documentary.<br/><br/>She has perfected the art of moving exactly three feet whenever you encourage exercise.<br/><br/>Not because she can't go farther.<br/><br/>Because three feet was all that was required to prove a point.<br/><br/>People ask what breed she is.<br/><br/>That's a great question.<br/><br/>We've narrowed it down to "large."<br/><br/>She doesn't run.<br/><br/>She relocates.<br/><br/>She doesn't jump on the couch.<br/><br/>The couch simply becomes unavailable.<br/><br/>Some dogs inhale their food.<br/><br/>Maid Marian studies hers.<br/><br/>She'd like everyone to know the portions appear smaller than yesterday.<br/><br/>She's keeping records.<br/><br/><br/>She is, somehow, still convinced she's a petite little princess.<br/><br/>She'll lean against you with complete confidence that your skeleton will sort itself out.<br/><br/>The saddest part?<br/><br/>Nobody has told Maid Marian she's 90 pounds.<br/><br/>As far as she's concerned, she's a delicate woodland maiden.<br/><br/>We don't have the heart to correct her.<br/><br/>Frankly... neither do our knees.<br/><br/>Come meet Big Momma.<br/><br/>The pig rumors have gotten way out of hand.

Meet Maid Marian.

We have received several questions.

> "Do i hear a pig?"

No.

> "Are you sure?"

...Yes.

> "Can you check again?"

We have. Repeatedly.

It's a dog.

Maid Marian weighs 90 pounds.

This wasn't our first guess either.

We weighed her twice because we assumed the scale was being dramatic.

It wasn't.

She is currently on a diet.

She feels this is an unnecessary overreaction.

Every morning she looks into her empty food bowl like she's the subject of a true crime documentary.

She has perfected the art of moving exactly three feet whenever you encourage exercise.

Not because she can't go farther.

Because three feet was all that was required to prove a point.

People ask what breed she is.

That's a great question.

We've narrowed it down to "large."

She doesn't run.

She relocates.

She doesn't jump on the couch.<

Meet Maid Marian.

We have received several questions.

> "Do i hear a pig?"

No.

> "Are you sure?"

...Yes.

> "Can you check again?"

We have. Repeatedly.

It's a dog.

Maid Marian weighs 90 pounds.

This wasn't our first guess either.

We weighed her twice because we assumed the scale was being dramatic.

It wasn't.

She is currently on a diet.

She feels this is an unnecessary overreaction.

Every morning she looks into her empty food bowl like she's the subject of a true crime documentary.

She has perfected the art of moving exactly three feet whenever you encourage exercise.

Not because she can't go farther.

Because three feet was all that was required to prove a point.

People ask what breed she is.

That's a great question.

We've narrowed it down to "large."

She doesn't run.

She relocates.

She doesn't jump on the couch.

The couch simply becomes unavailable.

Some dogs inhale their food.

Maid Marian studies hers.

She'd like everyone to know the portions appear smaller than yesterday.

She's keeping records.


She is, somehow, still convinced she's a petite little princess.

She'll lean against you with complete confidence that your skeleton will sort i