Petfinder.com forums :: View topic - Who is on here? I need advice and a vent [ ]

Is anybody here that remembers me pretty well? I have to just kind of vent about a family situation and need life advice. Nothing about pets. Just something general and I can't post anywhere else.

Posted: Thu May 31, 2012 9:16 pm Post subject:

Vent away! The Board is slow, but people seem to check in, anyway.

I'll bet some folks you know will answer.

Good to hear from you!

Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 6:02 am Post subject:

I remember a time you went 'bull riding' and got all bruised up...
and a few other foggy things.

as furperson said... vent away. (I still have shoulder pads from the 80s)
We're good listeners. (o:

Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 6:34 am Post subject:

I agree, vent away! Hopefully people can manage to get on the site to offer their advice and support!

Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 11:21 am Post subject:

Vent away - I might even get the page to load long enough to read it!

I tried for 5 days to read posts & was unsuccessful. That was without even trying to log in. I ended up giving up. But you should vent here & we will all try to read it & respond. Just don't take it personally if we don't respond - it might not be possible.

Let me offer some all purpose life advice - drink heavily & remember - it's never too late to start beating your kids. It's better to beat them once they are adults. Laughing

Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:36 pm Post subject:

See you've already gotten good advice from Kelto!

Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:59 pm Post subject:

I don't know you, but I'm a pretty good listener, and sometimes have good advice, plus I seem to be one of the few people who aren't having trouble logging/posting. So vent, and I'll see what I can offer by way of support!

And remember, your pet is always there to comfort you, so you can vent to them too!

Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:45 pm Post subject:

DH's sister called again. She only calls when she wants money. She has been in and out of prison and has never really "worked" for a living in all her 57 years.

There is only DH, the sister and a brother in the whole family. You would think she would call him w/o asking for money once in a while.

Now she is sick and when she calls for money it is usually for medicine or a copay on tests or doctors. If you have a medical card are there co-pays? I don't know. He won't give her a check even made out to someone else because that is one of the tings she has spent time in prison for. And I mean prison, not jail. And he is afraid if he gives her cash it is for drugs. Which has happened before.

We could afford to help out once in a while if we were sure what it was for and I know it bother him. She is his sister after all.

I have 9 younger brothers and sisters and we have helped some of them out once in a while and he says nary a word. There are a couple he will give cash to no questions asked because they may have been there for us at one time or another.

And I think that it bothers him knowing she has had 4 kids and only knows one of them but she was raised by her father.

I don't know what to say to him so that he doesn't feel so bad. I even offered to call the "doctor's" office for him and put the co-pay on our debit card on the grounds they not release any receipt info to her. Then he tells me he doesn't want her to come to expect it. Which I understand. But we know for sure she is sick and I feel bad about it.

He is right though that you can't help someone who won't help themselves.

This is a mess of a post, but does anyone get it?

And yes that bull ride was wild! lololololol

Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 12:53 am Post subject:

Family makes life so hard sometimes.

Completely understand the hubby's reluctance to give his sister any money or even help out with legitimate doctors bills.

Maybe a miracle will happen and she will realize her past behavior is why she's not getting the financial help she wants and it will be a wake up call.

It's sad to be placed in a situation like that.

Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 5:47 am Post subject:

Is she in the same town as you? I like your idea of paying the copay directly to the Dr or pharmacy. I would not give her cash or a check, but physically go with her to pick up her meds or appts. If she gets irritated about not being able to handle things herself, then just tell her....She is Not Able to Handle things Herself!! I am sure there is assistance out there somewhere for her to seek.
You are such a generous person, you and your hubby. I have know you a long, long time, and you are always there to help..... Cool

Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:17 pm Post subject:

She is in the same town. I think DH still resents her role in his mother's death. Not that she caused it but there were mitigating factors that involved her. There was too much stress on their mother which was caused directly by her. But uou can only be taken advantage of if you let let some do it.

Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:03 pm Post subject:

Well then perhaps you should cut all ties to her. Tell your hubby to let her wallow for six months and see how she does. It is amazing how people can pick themselves up when all else fails them....

Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 9:08 pm Post subject:

If she is truly in need, many states have programs where residents can receive free medical care. It may take her some time and effort to apply, but help may be available. Unfortunately, she'll have to want to do this. This isn't normally something someone else can do for you.

It may not hurt to contact the doctor's office to see if they know of any programs that can help. I, too, would be very cautious before offering to pay for her expenses.

Good luck. It sounds like you are in a tough situation.

Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 8:16 am Post subject:

i don`t usually post in community, but as i read your post, it took me back a few years...i had the same type situation as you but with 6 adult children...i bailed them all out so often, i was worn out...i have 3 alcoholic kids, one who died because of it i had 2 drug users along with the alcoholics...i lent them money, gave them places to live, bailed them out of jail and drove miles to pick them up when they were stranded.

finally i realized i was just an enabler...i wasn`t really helping, i was enabling them to continue on their destructive pattern... the hardest thing i ever had to do was remove any help that they needed..i cried many a night as i watched their destructive behavior...

now a few have straightened up their lives, some haven`t but i stand firm in that they are adults that have made their own choices..it`s up to them to pay the price for the bad choices they`ve made..

i feel so sorry for your husband for the spot he is in....but i also feel for you because you are a part of your husband`s pain as his wife...my advise woukd be to do what is in both of your best interests... i wish you the wisdom to make the decision that will free you as much as is possible.

Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 9:00 am Post subject:

I understand the want to help family, especially if you are able to. I think that since she is your husband's sister, you should let him ultimately decide what to do for her. My ex-husband doesn't work regularly, uses drugs, and is not a nice person. He kept staying with different people, and borrowing money until he ran out of people who were willing to help him. He still manages to keep going though his quality of life and his relationship with the kids has suffered.

Petfinder.com forums Forum Index -> Public Forums -> General Community -> Who is on here? I need advice and a vent
	Goto page 1, 2 Next

	Petfinder.com forums Forum Index -> Public Forums -> General Community -> Who is on here? I need advice and a vent	All times are GMT - 5 Hours Goto page 1, 2 Next
Page 1 of 2