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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 9:38 am Post subject: Is it just me...or....

Hi everyone! I need some opinions...any comments will be helpful! ok so here's the deal....I am 18 married and I have 1 son and I'm 3months pregnant. My husband and I are very excited(even though it was a total shock)so there's about me. ok so my mother is getting worse. with my 1st baby when I was like 8months pregnant she would make me SQUEEEEEZ between two carseats in the back seat of her trailblazer..if you have been in one you know that its cramped enough..i had to rescuedule my ultra sounf 3xs and my doctors appointment 5xs so she COULD GO TO GOODWILL!!! She supported my sister,her boyfrien,their 3 kids AND the bf's brother for a looong time so whe my house got destoyed by a tornado, she said I could stay with her if I paid like 125/week! plus food and 1/2 electric..if I had that kind of $ I'd rent a apt...(id be there only 2-3weeks while I found someplace) my sister or her bf NEVER paid anything..my sister would drive EVERYWHERE in my moms car and she will not let me touch it! 3 years and she would not even let me go down the street for a drink...its like I'm not good enough or somthing! so when I was going to have kidney surgery(ive had prblems since I was 11)she would NOT watch my son so my husband could go with me and never went to the hospital!!! the reason she couldn't go is because its stupid to run her truck into the ground and add miles.!!!!! can you imagien how this would make someone feel?? that's just the start!!! I graduated 2weeks ago and I literaly had to beg and cry for her to come...she moved WITHOUT telling me so I went to find a empty house(she lives with her new bf she met online, with her 2 other kids)she has stopped calling me and does not care! I told her I got an ultra sound and all she said was aww that's cool I guess....im younger than my sister(shes19)married,my own house my own car, I work full time got my education start school in the fall and my sister now lives with her bfs mom and all the same...do I have a right to be mad at my mom? thanks for reading! CC

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 9:52 am Post subject:

Here's a few things to consider.

First off - As you've already had one baby, you know how wild your emotions can get. Good old hormones. With me, everything that was slightly negative became a huge personal travesty.

However. From your post it does not sound like your mother is being very supportive. That's her problem, not yours. There is no "good enough" issue here. Try not to let her behavior drag you down. Do you know why she might be acting this way?

You're a young mom, so you have quite a big job ahead of you. I know it's difficult not being able to rely on your mother to guide you. What about your husband's family? Are they supportive?

I'm not suggesting that you leech off them, of course. However, sometimes a few words of encouragement and some good advice are all you need to get back on your feet.

Mad? Possibly. Frustrated? Absolutely. Although it's easier said than done, try not to let it bother you. If you know there's nothing you can do to remedy the situtation, don't dwell on it.

Lyz.

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 9:56 am Post subject:

You have the right to be angry.

Your mother has the right to be insensitive or unsupportive.

I'm sorry.

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:07 am Post subject:

thank you for your reply! well this started BEFORE I even got pregnant! when SHE got preg again she completly blew my sister and me off...she would cook for my stepdad and NEVER for us, she would buy candy drinks and snacks that were iff limits to us....i hated always having to ask what I could eat or drink in my own house!!! I would beg to spend time with her, even a game for 10mins but she was too busy playing on the pc or watching tv!! she made me go 2 days on my period without anything because she didn't feel like driving and I had ti walk 3miles to school because she didn't want to wake up, and my pants at school riped completly in the whole booty area and I sat in the office ALL DAY because she would bring me anything!! my husbands family is great! she(my mother in law) is the mother I've always wanted! family is 1st no matter what..she LOVES my son and begs to watch him helps us (financially,emotionally, just anyway she can) my sisNlaws great too..our babies were 2days apart. but I just with I had MY mom...my MIL drives down(about11/2 away) to just eat dinner and talk. I mean its not fair and I know that its just I'm the GOOD daughter even though I hav a child I'm still with the father..weve been together 5 years!! what do I need to do for her love! I shouldn't have to buy!(i have to give her $60 to come see me(she lives 25-30mins,thats what she says I STILL don't know where she lives)so yeah I'm very depressed and have nobody to talk to besides my husband but I don't like to sound like an broken record!!

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:08 am Post subject:

HF!

I would maybe be angry and unsupportive too, if both my teen daughters were pregnant and/or mothers already, with boyfriends (instead of husbands), and needing me to ferry them around town to doctor's appointments and whatnot. In fact, I would probably tell them that if they thought they could support not one, but two babies so close together, that they should get their own car and own apartment and become the independant adults they thought they were ready to be. But that's why it's a good thing I have sons, although if my sons at 18 and 19 get someone pregnant, they will be working, paying me rent, paying child support, because I firmly believe that if a person is old enough to get preggers/ get someone else preggers, they are old enough to have some personal responsibility.

But that may not have been the answer you are looking for. Good luck to you.

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:09 am Post subject:

Oops! I didn't meant for it to sound smart alecky. Embarassed

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:12 am Post subject:

hi well since I was 14 I HAVE BEEN ON MY OWN SUPPORTING MYSELF...I NEEDED TO STAY WITH MY MOM A COUPLE WEEKS!! IT WAS MY SISTER THAT WAS THE MUCHER!! NOT ME! I HAD TO CANCEL MY APPOINTMENTS BECAUSE MY MOM ASKED TO TAKE ME SO I STAYED THE WEEK WITH HER THEN CHANGED HER MIND.....BUT YEAH NO $ SUPPORT FROM HER FOR YEARS!!

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:15 am Post subject:

Is your caps lock on or are you yelling? And at whom?
Are you seeking honest answers or affirmation?

No snarkasm at all here.

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:15 am Post subject:

opps!

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:17 am Post subject:

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:17 am Post subject:

opps!

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:49 am Post subject:

Mog the Dog here.

Everyone has the right to their feelings. It's how you react to those feelings that's important here.

You can't do anything to get your mother, or anyone else for that matter, to love you, so consider the attempt wasted energy and focus instead on loving your own kids the way you wanted to be loved and meeting their needs in ways that yours were never met.

The good news is that you're 18 now and your mother can't make you do anything anymore. It's time to walk away from the past hurt and walk toward the future that you are responsible for building for yourself and your family.

Best wishes!

MTD

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:14 am Post subject:

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 11:59 am Post subject: Re: Is it just me...or....

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 12:33 pm Post subject:

lol good point

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