Petfinder.com forums :: View topic - Sending e-condolences? Is this normal now? [ ]

My husband's friend and his wife just lost their 3 week old son. I don't know the couple well, but it really breaks my heart...I just can't even imagine... Sad

Anyway, since we didn't have the newspaper, we went to the funeral home's website to see if the info was posted. On the funeral home's site, there was a link to "ebituaries.ca" where you can view the obituaries.

I was shocked to see that beneath each obituary, there is a place to click and "Add Your Condolence Here" and everyone's condolences are posted for all the world to see! Shocked

Personally, I find this to be *unbelievably* tacky...like posting a shout-out on someone's myspace or something. I mean, a newborn baby has died...one of the saddest, most tragic events possible...and people are supposed to just "Click Here" and post a message?!

Thankfully, I haven't had any deaths in my life for a long time. Is this *actually* normal and acceptable now?

Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:39 pm Post subject:

No idea, but for someone like my parents I don't think it would do very much good as they don't have internet and my mom won't touch a computer. I also think it's kinda tacky.

Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:56 pm Post subject:

i have seen that too. i have used it a few times when i would see someone that i knew had past away. i know that it is tacky but sometimes it is the only thing to do. i know that when my friend past awy we all poated something about her and her husband printed it out so he could show the girls whe nthey got older. they were only 1 and 3 when there mommy past away.

Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 12:05 am Post subject:

Are you referring to online Guest Books? They are very common now. I send a handdwritten card still when it's someone I care for but I may be the minority.
The online guestbooks are kinda nice for people who live in other states and who aren't able to get home for the funeral. They are able to leave a thought to share with the close friends who post in the guestbook.
There was a funeral for really young man who died here in a fire and it was so sad and touching to see how many long-distance friends checked in with funny rememberances.
The guestbook I'm referring to has a link, not just right there on the screen.

Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:22 am Post subject:

I dont really think it is tacky, especially for people who are not close to the family, or the deceased, or live far away, but still want to give their sympathy. People who are close will still come to the funeral and more than likely send flowers or a card.

Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:47 am Post subject:

Oh I find that horrifyingly tacky. This isn't some minor reoccuring event like a birthday or anniversary. This is the death of a loved one. If someone can't find the time to send a card, I'd rather they didn't do anything. However, I also believe thank you notes should be sent for every gift received and that one year is waaay to long to wait for a thank you card for a wedding gift. I also expect people to RSVP to invitations. I think common courtesy and thoughtful gestures still have a place in our society.

Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:59 am Post subject:

I dont know. In that situation I'd send something hand written, but if the availability is there to do something online, do so. How would they feel if noone left a message at all - if and when they find that service is/was available?

I definantly would not *just* do something online. They deserve a personal message from you as well.

I thought this was going to be about just emailing someone a message or online card instead of snail mailing them something. IMO that would be flat out tacky, but if the website that announces the funeral offers the service - and anyone takes the time to find it online... I believe leaving a message there is also appropriate.

Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 10:55 am Post subject: actually

when my aunt and parents set up my little cousins funeral they allowed that option under the obituary online and truthfully at that time for the days leading up to his wake, I found the thoughts comforting...seeing old names, reminding us how much they loved him and made sure that we knew it didn't matter how he died (no one said it but it was a drug overdose/suicide?) but rather how he lived and what he meant to them in their lives.

i think sometimes thats the only way an old neighbor or friend finds out etc and they want you to know right away that they are thinking of you...however they don't want to jump on the phone and call you right away (i didn't take calls for a long time). In fact the day that he died at my grandmas and we left her house to come back home i emailed my friends and some family to let them know about Bri....and told them that i would speak to them more about it when i was ready. I don't think i spoke to anyone for a good three weeks and also asked that my best friends did not come to the wake or funeral even though they knew him. It was just too much. I guess I just never thought that my family would be sitting in a house where my baby cousin just died in his bed, having my husband call all of our jobs to tell them we wouldn't be there...and then having my poor husband call my cousins boss to tell him why brian wasn't at work already. Neighbors stood outside grandmas staring at us and talking about us through the front window....i wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I much preferred an emailed thought rather than a phone call or a visit for a very long time...but strangely i would check online every day to see if someone new wrote to us.

Of course attending the wake if possible and a condolence card followed by a phone call at some comfortable point should of course also be done.

It didn't bother me much..and i would check it for a while afterwards cause it always made me feel a little better...

i say if you are comfortable doing it...go for it....if not, don't do it. People show and share their grief in so many different ways that I don't think it can ever really be tacky I guess to tell someone you care.

Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 12:13 pm Post subject:

You make a good argument Dunc's mom so now in addition to sending cards/flowers, I'll also write an e-note. When my sister passed away, I was just the opposite: I needed people reaching out to me and wanted people to attend her funeral to help me through it. Cards meant the world to me.

Petfinder.com forums Forum Index -> Public Forums -> General Community -> Sending e-condolences? Is this normal now?

	Petfinder.com forums Forum Index -> Public Forums -> General Community -> Sending e-condolences? Is this normal now?	All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Page 1 of 1