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I need advice on what to do.

About two weeks before Christmas my mom and I had an incident. To recap the whole thing would be pretty exausting, but the end result was me staying at my dads for a 'cooling off' period. (Really I needed some time away to pull myself back together. I was a total wreak.) The 'cooling period' had no set date on when to go back. I entered the period with no intntion whatsoever of going back to my moms house. I was furious, and so was she.

It had been planned that I would spend Christmas at my moms, as that is what we always do. Ch. Eve with my dad and Christmas day with my mom. I didn't want to upset the applecart again, so I spent Christmas at her house. Of course, because it was Christmas, my mom was all nice and happy. There was no reason for me to be a jerk and hold a grudge, so I was happy and nice as well. I still had no intention of living at her house anymore- I was just trying to keep the peace. Everything went fine and there was no confortations.

Now it seems like my mom has took my niceness and happiness to mean that things are good between us, things are worked out, and I will be going back to her house tommorow like I usually would. (Normally this would be my week with my dad, and on Friday I would be going to my moms house and spending the next week with her.)

I'm not sure what to make of this. Things are not better between us and nothing has been worked out. I feel wonderful and happy, without depression for the first time in ages, and I think much of this is because I have been living at my dads for three weeks. I don't really want to go back to my moms and become depressed again, but it is my nature to keep peace in the valley by doing what is asked of me.

So what are some opinions of this? I am sorry if my post is kinda hard to follow, as it is difficult to explain everything in a way that makes sense.

We also have counseling scheduled a week from today, I think. One plan could be to stay at my dads until we can go to counseling and try to work things out.

Also, do I try to mend things with my mom, and live at her house, or do I aim to stay at my dads? I don't really think I can work things out with my mom, honestly.

Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 9:21 pm Post subject:

I think you should do what makes you happy and if you are a much happier person with your dad, then by all means stay with your dad.

Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 9:25 pm Post subject:

I have noticed from many of your posts that you seem to be very close to your dad, and happier when you are with him. If that is the case, and your dad is agreeable, I would live with him if I were you. You seem to have some problems with both your mom and your brother, and it might be better for you, and your relationship with both of them, to not live under the same roof with them.

Just IMO.

Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 9:32 pm Post subject:

Sometimes you have to be selfish. I am not trying to tell you how to run your life. I am saying that at your age you should do what is right for you. What do you want Teako?

Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 9:33 pm Post subject:

My dearest Teako ((((Hugs)))). I rarely respond, but I love your posts. I hate that you are having family troubles though. I have been there and done that. I do not have a relationship with my Dad. It was very toxic and I was worse off for having one.

I cut him out, while I pursued personal counseling. There were extinuating circumstances (PM if you want to talk more, or know about them) with my Dad and I knew he would not change. Family counseling was NOT an option. If it's an option with you, I suggest personal counseling for atleast a 2-3 months while living with your Dad and having as little to no contact with your mom. Explain to her it's for your well being and do not discuss it further. Than think about family counseling. At this point you should be in a good position to re-evaluate what you want. Really make sure it's what YOU want and NEED, not just to smooth everything over. That's how I am and it nearly broke me. PM me, or maybe we can exchange phone numbers to talk more if you want too.

Take care Teako. I hope things go well for you.

Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 9:46 pm Post subject:

teako,

hugs to you !!!

normally i am a big fan of children staying with their mom, but in
your case, i think if your dad is agreeable with you staying with
him, that he should tell your mom that is what you want to do.
or if you think it will be okay, you tell her.

go to therapy next week. but that does not mean everything will
be okay overnight. i would imagine that continued family therapy
would be needed if not to reunite you and your mom, then for your
future.

your mom is your mom. i think on some level you feel that too or
you would not even be thinking about going back.

i think she loves you very much or she would just be happy that
you are where you are and would not have mentioned you coming
home.

but i think that she and you and maybe your sister too should go to
this therapy to talk things out.

even if you never go back, you could very well have developed a new
and much better relationship with your mom and your never know...
maybe down the road with your sister too.

i'm sorry you have to go through this. at your age this is not what
you should have to worry about. lots and lots of hugs.

Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 9:53 pm Post subject:

Stay with your dad.
I can see in your words, you want to.
You lean there.
You're happier there.
Go to counseling to be ok with your mom again,
But living with her more, may just make it worse.
At least you can be ok with her then.

Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 9:57 pm Post subject:

Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 10:02 pm Post subject:

Thank you for the responses, everyone. I don't have alot to add, I just want to say that I am reading them, and I will be reflecting on each of them. I appreciate the opinions very much.

I am going to answer a couple questions.

Momtothree- Yes, I switch each week. I guess this would be hectic for most people, and it must have been at first, but it has been this way for as long as I can remember, and I am so used to it I barely remember that it is unusual. I have a room at each house, so I have two rooms. In theory both are equal, and perhaps they were at one time, but eventually my favorite stuff found its way to my room at my dads house where my brother can't mess with it.

Only a side note, this is not my original account. I first got here in either June or July, and I was I_Love_Teako, but I messed up something with the e-mail and I never could get back into my account. I e-mailed admin but they never responded, so I created this as a temporary account, but it seems 'temporary' can be quite permanent sometimes.

I hear you on what you say about needing a mom, and I will think about that as well.

PB- my mom, sister, brother(maybe), and I are all going to counseling together. There are problems all around. My dad may also come in if they ask him to. I will say, this is not the first time we have been through counseling. My mom has a way of scheduling each appointment further apart, until eventually she tells them that everything is better and she discontinues it. We have never been able to stay long enough to make a difference.

Posted: Thu Dec 29, 2005 10:23 pm Post subject:

the more you say, the more i believe you should stay at your dads.

gee... i'm sorry... i made two mistakes... i did not realize that you
switched houses every week....not that that makes a difference in
what i said, but it may make it easier for your mom when/if you tell
her you want to stay at your dads.

and the second mistake was i remember you not getting along
with your sibling cause you said your mom always took the other
side, but i guess i thought that was your sister but now i remember
that was your brother.

it really kind of makes me wish that your mom would make your
brother go to counseling too. i hope she does.

even if you decide to live with your dad even after therapy,
i wish for you a much better and loving relationship with your mom
and your brother someday.

***hugs***

Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 4:20 am Post subject:

if you are that comfortable at your dad's house, then I would stay there. It might surprise you that you might get along better with your mom when you're not living there. I didn't get along with my mom (there's reasons for this), until I moved out, then we talked daily. I hated my father, couldn't stand the sight of him (reasons for this too), didn't talk to him too much after I moved out, but I was there for him when he died. Sat there and held his hand for 72 straight hours. And also was the one that buried him. Whole nother subject. My point is, do what makes you happy, you're young, you're supposed to be enjoying life, being carefree. Things will change with your parents weither good or bad, when you're older.
If dad's ok with you living there, move in. You're old enough now to legally pick where you want to live. Make sure that you have an open honest line of communication with your father, express to him exactly how your feeling and why. you never know, dad may surprise you and give some great advise!
I wish you the best of luck no matter what you choose. Just remember not to stress yourself out, you'll get enough of that when your older.

Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:10 am Post subject:

I didn't read the other responses yet. Excuse me if I miss something formentioned.

As far as school and stuff, can you live at your Dad's? I would say stay with your Dad for now, but visit and talk with your Mom. Maybe Christmas got her to thinking about things, but if you go right back things will probably go back to the way they were. You may need a little time apart. Maybe you just can't live together? Just try to keep the relationship up with your Mom. Don't have her thinking this is a punishment. Let her know this is just a time to cool off and think what's best for you, and your relationship. It may be that you just can't live together, or it may be she just needs to have some time to see what she is missing out on....a wonderful daughter.

Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 9:04 pm Post subject:

has anyone seen teako post today ?

i think she said it was today she was originally suppose to go home.

teako are you okay ?

Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 9:32 pm Post subject:

Posted: Sat Dec 31, 2005 2:01 am Post subject:

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