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Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 12:05 am Post subject: Got B!tched Out By Mother-In-Law

My mother-in-law called tonight to b!tch us out for not calling her to tell her she was going to bounce checks we didn't know she had written.

I checked her account 2 days ago and she had plenty of money.
I checked her account late last night and saw she had bounced a check to help her grandson cover some bills related to their infant son's heart surgery. So I sent e-mails to them and to my sister-in-law because the only number we have for them is their home phone which doesn't work because there's something wrong with the phone line.

We were going to call her tonight but we got home late so she called just as we were putting our empty dinner plates on the counter.
Her grandson had stopped by and asked about the check and that was how she learned she was bouncing checks.

In her mind, it's our fault that she has bounced 3 checks - and was completely unaware that she was out of money. AND she didn't even remember writing a $5,000.00 check to her grandson!

The 3rd time she went off on us for "allowing" her to bounce the checks, hubby told her she was out of line, he didn't appreciate her attitude and we do the best we can long-distance to help her but we can't anticipate anything because of her spending habits lately.

So to punish us for telling her she was out of line and it wasn't our fault, she's decided we can't stay in her empty house next year on vacation and she's going to rent her house out to the people who she describes as being "iffy" and "a risk."

Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 1:02 am Post subject:

Yuck! What an upsetting and irritating mess.

Here's my question, why the heck is someone who needs someone else to keep track of their checking and finances, taking the liberty of writing checks for thousands of dollars? Why isn't she managing her own checking account? It seems to me that if someone doesn't know the standing of her own finances, she shouldn't be complaining about bouncing her checks! It's her responsibility to know the status of her account, not yours. There must be another piece to this puzzle?

Secondly, how on earth are you supposed to be on top of her checking account balances, if she's writing checks willy nilly without you knowing? Sounds like an impossible task for you to manage, 2nd!

I feel for ya, as I have a troubled MIL too. Maybe she's toxic and you need to eat the vacation home for a week, and whatever else she's using to control you both, and just move forward without her being having such a part of your life.

Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 3:11 pm Post subject:

I agree with Manylegs.

does your mom's bank account have online banking, and does she have internet access? Unless she's mentally unstable in some way, I agree she should be watching her own finances. I feel for both of you, you and your husband. It's hard to face off your mother.

Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 3:48 pm Post subject:

She is mentally ill but it is manageable with proper diet, proper medicating and proper exercise.
Even at her worst, there’s never been anything anyone can legally do. She came close earlier this year when the sheriff had to come out and transport her for a mandatory 72-hour mental hold at the crisis center where they decide if a person needs to be put in the state mental facility. The sheriff said if the state facility hadn’t been so close to capacity, he would’ve taken her there for the 72-hour hold.

She has a problem making decisions, even something so simple as what to order in a restaurant, because so many of her decisions in the past 10 years or so have turned out horribly.
Since she no longer feels she needs to balance her checkbook or even keep track of how much money she has in her accounts, it is much less stressful if the whole mess is our fault.

We pretty much have nothing to do with her as it is. It took a while for me to convince the hubby. He has enough stress at his job and then to be subjected to the constant lying, mental and verbal abuse from his mother was slowly killing him. He’s much healthier now.
The last time we spoke to her was in September when she told us hubby’s nephew’s baby had been born and would die without heart surgery.

And we never had any intention of staying in the house during next year’s Montana trip.
For one thing, the house reeks of urine (human and dog) and poop so the carpet and probably the hardwood floor underneath and possibly the subfloor would need replacing before the house is even livable.
And she’s the type of person who 1 day before we were to stay in the house would say she had changed her mind and we couldn’t stay which would leave us with no place to stay with a 54-lb. dog so we’d have to scramble to find a room in a rural area.
Plus we wouldn’t want to stay there unless we were the only ones with keys to the place and she couldn’t just come in whenever she felt like it.

We don’t want her to have internet access because that would just be another way for her to spend all of her money on things she will just donate straight to the used goods store or throw away.
Lately she's been into jewelry and has been spending $1000s at jewelry stores and jewelry parties. She doesn't even wear jewelry.
Plus if she had internet access, she'd be donating twice as much money to charities because every time she gets a donation request in the mail, she sends them money. Even if she just donated to that charity the week before. She already donates a minimum of $20,000 a year once you add everything up.

We’ve now written her cell phone number down and taped it to the phone w/built in caller ID so we know not to answer that Montana number.

Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2011 4:17 pm Post subject:

Sorry. I know bouncing checks in Arizona can send you to jail. Is there no way someone can petition the courts to gain access to her accounts? There has got to be enough proof she is incapable of caring for herself...

Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 2:27 am Post subject:

Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:13 pm Post subject:

Can he take her checks away and pay everything online and give her an allowance? Just an idea... wish I could b more useful.

Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 7:06 pm Post subject:

Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 4:46 pm Post subject:

How did the children get POA for their mother's finances?

Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:42 pm Post subject:

Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 10:56 pm Post subject:

Oh, so she wanted it that way. Interesting but I suppose if she got herself into enough mischief, she'd like some protection from doing that again. Although it doesn't sound like it's working!

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