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Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 9:55 am Post subject: Overly sensitive???

Am I being overly sensitive????

After feeling sick for a long time, over the last few weeks I have gone for a battery of tests. Yesterday I got my results, I have a uncommon, lifelong (but not fatal) disease that will require medication and monitoring for the rest of my life. In about 50% of the cases it can go into remission, meaning the symptoms stop, but you stay on the meds, in the other 50% you deal with the pain and sick feeling...forever.
This was not the news I was hoping for.....

So my husband called, I told him what is was called, and told him to google the Mayo clinic for the best info.......asked him if he had a chance to look up the info and he got all pissy and said "like I have time for that at work" . So he never did, he just does not care.
Makes me sad that he spent 2 hours last night on his I-pad looking at other things, like soccer scores and other really important things, and could not take 5 minutes to better understand what I am going through.

Am I overly sensitive??? Or is he just a jerk???

Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 12:14 pm Post subject:

Hi rowdy ridgebacks, Mog the Dog here. I am glad to know that you finally got a diagnosis after all this time. Sorry to hear that your husband does not appear interested in helping you better understand your condition.

Is he a jerk? Are you oversensitive? I cannot say. What I can say is that none of us get to decide how anyone else will respond to our requests for help when facing significant challenges in life. When we let go of our expectations of how others ought to be in such situations as this, fascinating things start to happen...

Check it out sometime, and see if you agree.

As my mind drifts toward the close of my thoughts on the matter, I start to notice the background music inside my head. Faint at first, louder as my attention draws closer...Ah yes, it's ol' Lefty Frizzell...

"Nobody knows, nobody sees...nobody knows but me..."

It was precisely two years ago today that that these lyrics were sung for my favorite human companion at the memorial service for the father of her only child on what would have been his fifty-ninth birthday. Amidst all of the fond memories and stories of his life, my favorite human companion knew that no one in the room could ever wrap their minds around the fact that behind the closed doors of his private life, this amazing eulogized man was so severely disturbed that he became homicidal when faced with the fact that the mother of his only child was a mere mortal with chronic health problems.

No, we cannot ever control how others will respond to our pleas in times of need. We can only decide how we ourselves will be...

Be well, rowdy ridgebacks! My favorite human companion and I shall do the same on such a fine November day...

MTD

Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 12:50 pm Post subject:

Is it possible that he's dealing with this in a head-in-the-sand deal? He very well may be upset/scared/confused, and by avoiding reading about it in black and white, he avoids making it "real"? Just a thought...

Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 1:51 pm Post subject:

I am sorry that you are dealing with a health issue but by the same token it must be a relief to know what you are dealing with.

I was thinking exactly what Ilana has just written when I read your post. I have a feeling, if you think back you will find that he has dealt with most of the big issues that he has encountered up till now in a very similar way. My husband could be his twin. It used to hurt me so badly but now I realize that he is dealing with it in his own way and I need to find the support that I need elsewhere....like family and friends.

I hope you begin to feel better soon!!

Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 2:14 pm Post subject:

Ilana has a very valid view of many people and especially men ---sorry for the stereotype--- but men are "fixers" he may have looked up as you requested and realize that the medical issue is not "fixable" such as a broken ankle can be but is more like MS or Fibermyalgia (sp)

---reacting with stress is not good for you ----cannot you do a search and find the answers to your questions ---if you want help PM me

healthy vibes

Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 5:49 pm Post subject:

Thank you all for your replies and insight.

Mog, you are right, I will try to let go of my expectations of how I think he should react, it is just hard......

Ilana and Smokey, others IRL have said the same thing, perhaps his way to deal is to not deal with it....

Pom's Mom, thank you for the offer of help, it is appreciated.

I have done research online and am in process of trying to better understand the illness, it is somewhat complex because it is an "overlap" disease of 5 different autoimmune illnesses, so symptoms are changing and very varied. But I am grateful to have a diagnosis and to move forward.
Actually feeling better emotionally today now that I have done more research.

Thanks again to all who responded!!!
RR

Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 8:22 pm Post subject:

I know with my husband he gets used to me toughing it out. I have back and knee issues along with a right hand that only works up to 80% with almost conctant pain. But being women we just keep going and the men think all is well. Sometimes they are surprised that we are dealing with an issue so deeply, they don't see it till we are overwhelmed and then they feel helpless and that just won't do so they avoid.

I have had to sit down with my husband and really explain to him how much something is affecting me. With out distractions. We will go out to lunch or for a walk and sit under a tree. Trying to make a point while tending to dogs and making him dinner or while he is on the computer does not usually work. I tell him straight out "this is what I need from you - can you handle that?" Then we can make a plan.

I hope you are in the 50% that go into remission and start feeling well soon

Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 10:17 am Post subject:

I have to agree with Smokey, men are just wired different. It comes across as selfish and self absorbed, which I really think is the case. But in their defense I don't think they can help it...

For instance if a friend were to approach me with your medical condition I would take the time to listen, do research and just generally assist in any way possible. Being loving and supportive would become one of my priorities. I don't think you will find the same with many men...unless they are fundamentally wired as being highly sensitive. But, if that were the case would they be successful, manly, powerful...blah, blah, blah.

To some extent I think your husband had the typical male response, and in doing so he is an @**. I hope he can become much more sensitive and aware of what you are going through and act accordingly. Until then, find the support with other family members and friends.

The answer is no, you are not being highly sensitive in regard to this situation. Your reaction is normal and I am sure one that is played out daily between a husband and wife when faced with a similar issue.

Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 6:17 pm Post subject:

I don't think you're being overly sensitive, at all. You didn't ask a stranger to do this. You asked your husband. And, while you can't control his reaction, you aren't wrong for feeling let-down by it.

Have you talked with him about this? If I were in this situation I would sit down with my SO and let him know what I need.

Mog, I recall, many years ago, singing that same song, realizing that no one would ever know or believe what my husband had done; or what he was really like.

Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 8:48 pm Post subject:

Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:28 pm Post subject:

RR, so sorry I did not respond sooner.... computer issues.

I understand how you feel. I do agree that men are wired differently. Chris and I were just talking about this not too long ago. Men think - no talk, easy fix... Women worry and want to do what is best for everyone.

Chunk (being a male) sends his love to you and many Whoop Whoop's.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.

Love you!
Kasi

Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 1:22 pm Post subject:

I too have to agree that men are wired differently. The comment about men wanting to "fix" and women wanting to "talk" was in an article I read quite a while back. My X is a perfect example. Although he married me knowing I am a diabetic, when our son was diagnosed with it he went into a complete meltdown. wouldnt talk about it; blamed it on me; all that jazz.

After I read the article I realized he knew he couldnt "fix" this. It can be controlled, but not cured. He is a physical fixer anyway...plumbing; HVAC; carpentry; drywall....anything broken in the house he could fix. but not this. His son was "broken" and there was nothing he could do.

I understand how let down you feel, and how it seems like he doesnt care. I personally dont believe that but I know it does feel that way. He finally said, to my astonishment, that he was scared. He knew I am a diabetic, but he never bothered to learn anything about it since I took care of it by myself. Perhaps that is my fault for not making him pay attention.

Perhaps as others have said you should try to discuss it. Best of luck to you with both this issue, and your medical one

Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 7:15 pm Post subject:

No, you are not being overly sensitive, but your husband is behaving like, well, a man. I'm diabetic just like Court. Diabetes, to most, is an invisible disease, so no one really thinks it THAT big of a deal, when really, it is. Case in point, we were at a basketball game the other night, I had given myself the appropriate amount of insulin for the popcorn I was eating, but apparently I still had some active insulin working from my previous bolus. I checked and my blood sugar was 53. And my thing of glucose tabs was empty. I showed Luke the meter, as he sat there and continued to eat his nuts, and said I'll go get you something as soon as I finish these. Um, no. Depending on how much insulin I have on board, and how much the treck from the car to the stadium had affected my blood sugar, I could be in a danger zone very quickly. And had I gotten up and walked the steps to go get something myself, that amount of activity could have also sent me lower. But he doesn't get it. Because men don't. If they ignore it, it doesn't exist. When I go to the grocery store at midnight, because I absolutely refuse to go to sleep without my gallon of orange juice in the fridge, he thinks I'm overreacting. Because he's a man. Good luck to you, definitely find a time where theres no other distractions, and have a talk with him. Or find a book yourself and give it to him. Email him articles. Put them in front of the toilet so he has no other choice than to pick it up Smile

Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 6:36 pm Post subject:

ben there. done that. got to have the juice, whether they'll help or not. I spent alot of time teaching my daughter in law how to handle this. she calls me when unsure.

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